Monday, 30 May 2011

Namibia?

really? someone is reading from Namibia?

sweet!

Thursday, 19 May 2011

the boyfriend experience #1

rewind #1

how did i end up here?

if i'm so fucking amazing how did i end up in such a stupid situation. why am i working in the second busiest city in australia? why am i not back in sydney. why am i not back overseas?

it's a great job. and i love it. the main reason i do it is because it's the only job i've ever had where everybody is happy.

unfortunately i wasn't happy. i got bored. i had been back living in Sydney for 5 years. studied design and started freelancing as a graphic designer. pouring your heart and soul into a design just to have the majority of clients say "hmmm... it's good. but change this... and this... and this... and make it look more like this other company." pretty soon i stopped freelancing, design of any sort and eventually i stopped drawing altogether. i took what i loved and learned to hate it

i moved out of my share apartment with a rooftop pool and 270degrees skyline views of sydney and the harbour into my own one bedroom apartment in the black twisted heart of Darlinghurst. made some new friends. great friends. tried photography. sculpture. new tattoos. even bought an incredible old honda cruiser 750cc and destroyed it several months later. tried new careers and then couldn't give a fuck about them. the only thing i enjoyed was the manwhoring. part time job with a more than full time wage. i would lie on my bed at night, staring out the window that overlooked Hyde Park and the city and new something was wrong.

i wasn't happy

with all that and i wasn't happy. how fucking ungrateful am i? it was mostly because i was lonely. you can have a shitload of friends, i do and i love them, but you can still be lonely

at the end of 2008 i met up with a backpacker named Alex. he'd done working in his middle of nowhere tatty seaside Alaskan town, saved up cash over the summer and escaped their winter to Australia. we were just going to hook up for a few beers and quick fuck. but this guy was awesome. he was so awesome it's where i picked up saying 'awesome' from. even today, i can't stop saying awesome. he was damn hot too. you know, if you like those fit tattooed bearded guys with a hairy chest and a big cock. we spent pretty much everyday for the next 4 weeks together. sometimes just walking the streets, sitting around talking shit over beers, watching a movie or lying in bed snuggling watching the flying foxes shoot past my bedroom window at dusk. it was great having a new mate to hang out with and show the sights of Sydney not many travellers would get to see

then on christmas eve we were sinking a few beers in the dodgy old Criterion Hotel on the corner or Pitt and Park Street in the city and i finally answered the question of what i do for work. he seemed okay with it. he went back to the hostel and i went home. i only saw him one more time after that

he avoided my calls. would take a day or more to respond to an sms. after a few weeks he sent a text to meet for a beer. i met him out with a bunch of friend from his hostel. he was pretty cold the whole night and sat at the other end of the group. it seems one of his friend forced him to call me. the pub crawl was fun, but by 3am i was drunk and angry. we were walking through Hyde Park and i tackled him to the grass and pinned him down. everything i wanted to say was gone the moment he was close. i let him up. we said goodbye. he went backpacking up the east coast of australia and i never saw him again

it wasn't until he was gone that i noticed how much a missed him and that i wanted him around to be more than just a friend. i wanted a boyfriend, dammit.

over a year later i get an email from him saying sorry. he never had feelings like that before for another guy and sure as hell didn't know what to do about them. he wasn't ready. neither was i. from what i have learned though is that when it comes along, you never are ready

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

GoBidet

the GoBidet

not so much the product, but the writing of the brief article made me snigger

Monday, 9 May 2011

3way part IV

the following week i was invited back. for another 3way performance with the same hot guy. a different escort was there this time, a much younger smooth fellow. i mostly stood around trying to join in but they were being a little exclusive and after a while i found out why - the other guy was the other escort's boyfriend. that would explain why he was a little shy and the ex-escort who's a filthy pig was being a little reserved. after being fucked for only a few minutes the bf packed it in quite early, so i got to fuck the escorts ass. he was on all fours on the most uncomfortable bed in the world. it was cheap and rolled all over the place. it was like fucking a cokewhore in a Formula 1 (which i've done before. with each thrust your chasing the fucker on cheap nasty bed on wheels all over the budget hotel room until you trap them, and the bed, wedged into a corner). at least this bed didn't have wheels. so i fucked him on all fours with his spent boyfriend laying underneath him. i was behind him, fucking him like a dog.

now i know there was the client in the room, so i was conscious that he could see the action, but i also wanted to boyfriend to see. i know he was already uncomfortable in this situation, but i wanted to make him more so. i wanted to bring out the pig in him that he was holding back in front of his timid and seemingly vanilla boyfriend. and i did ;) sure he was exaggerating some and putting on a show for the client, but you can tell what's real and what's not. pretty soon he was grunting and pushing back into me like the dirty whore he is. i could see the bf was not impressed. he could see the nasty grin on my face. his face was blank

yes. i'm an asshole. if one person is uncomfortable, it doesn't seem like the smartest thing to do in a relationship. a decade ago i had an ex that was keen on 3ways. i'd agree to let him do it because it's what he wanted and i'd join in because it's what he wanted to do. i was never comfortable with it. the only reason i know i want to be with someone is because i don't want to fuck anyone else.

yes. i'm a prostitute that believes in monogamy. a tart with a heart. how fucking stupid is that?

it's my fault, i guess. i tend to go for former sluts. sluts are good in bed. you don't want a boyfriend who is a dud fuck. so it was 8 years before i had a proper boyfriend again. that just ended recently. so i have a little built up anger regarding guys in relationships that still fuck around. if it works well for them - that's great. but most of the time it doesn't

a little anger? no. i have a lot. i took that out on this guys ass. i slammed the hell out of him. even after he blew i kept going. it was uncomfortable for his boyfriend and now it was uncomfortable for him. sucker :)

we cleaned up. after some nervous laughter from the couple i rode off to find another ass to fuck

crackwhore

Thursday, 5 May 2011

3way part III - the 3way

i rest up a bit with the South African before i jump on my bike and ride out to the 3 way that was planned earlier.

walk straight in, the client told me. he was already on the bed watching the 2 other guys fuck. one was hot, tall, square shoulders, well built and a big cut cock. the other wasn't my type but had a perfect body (which is probably why he wasn't my type. there ain't nothing sexy about perfection) a little chest hair and dark skin. but hey, a hole is a hole and he had 2 that worked perfectly. good kissers, nice big cocks. was a good night and we put on a damn good show. the one that wasn't my type left early. the hotter one used to be an escort. now he's in a relationship and only works for this one client he knows well. now he was a lone i could tell deep down he was a pig. from the way he was kissing i knew he wanted me to spit in his mouth. the second i did he went nuts. i grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and plowed his arse until he blew his load then blew my own load all over him.

"wow! that's so much cum!"

"naww," i blushed, even if do hear that all the time, "'twas nothing"

that's when i remembered there was a client there. lying back, propped up on one elbow, fully clothed watching us. sometimes you get so into the moment you forget what the hell is going on around you.

did the earth move? fucked if i know. i was too busy having sex! oh, you meant...

Propecia the Crackwhore returns

3way part II - blood diamonds are a girls best friend

so after a wasting a few hours trying to organise a 3way. i go to the gym. all my frustration and anger is taken out when my trainer murders my legs through a million squats. i couldn't say "hey, i gotta perform in a filthy bumsex 3way private show later tonight. be a chum and leave me something to thrust with, eh?" i had forgotten all that anyway. watching him show me how to do squats completely wiped my brain. watching his arse squat was like watching 2 basketballs push through a wet towel

"do it like this. are you watching me?"

"oh yeah. i'm watching you..."

with legs like jelly wobbling in my jeans i go to my first booking of the night.

this guy had sent me pictures of himself in his initial contact. it's unnecessary, but it helps if you meet them in a crowded bar. he was quite good looking. not what i go for, but a lot of guys would. i'm always a little skeptical of these. what would a typically good-looking guy (with a big cock) want with a rough little bugger like me? he could get just about any guy he wanted. why would be want me? it's partly my own insecurity, but sometimes i'm not sure what others guys see in me

then i found out. he just wanted kissing, wanking and sucking but he wanted a hairy guy to do it with.

i meet him at the hotel with fucking awful art on the walls selling for $2.5K. we go up to his room and get into it. his body is hot. defined. he is also a damn good kisser. then i pull his cock out of his pants. the pictures he sent were deceptive. he didn't have a big cock. it was enormous. my hand had trouble closing around it's base ...and i have big hands. it's so big that my cock looks like a roll of mentos in comparison. he's fairly quiet so i assume he's not really enjoying it. i'm expecting him at any moment to say 'look this is just not working out. i'll give you $50 for your trouble." then he pulls open my shirt, rubs my hairy chest and goes fucking bananas! "you're so fucking hot!"

"uh... what?"

"you're so sexy!"

"um... yeah?" sometimes you need a coach. i got one inside my head. he's a bit of a cunt. shut up would you! this guy thinks your hot! stop second guessing yourself and get in there, maggot!

and i did! like a snake dislocating it's jaw to swallow the small child that strayed from the village i stuffed that fat cock in my gob! then i raped his mouth and rubbed his face in my hairy chest (like a bit of 'Spanish', but what ever the hairy equivalent is) and then drowned him in my jizz. i lay down next to him and talk for a bit. he's South African. that explains the smooth chest and the huge cock. the south african has the be my least favourite accent in the world. similar to the Aussie accent but with a hint of unforgiving cunt. like the dutch they came from, they tend be hairless, but they've got big cocks and fuck hard and rough. this guy was a nice one and he just rubbed my chest for the rest of the hour

date with a crackwhore


sure it's not real, but it's still cute

3way part I - organization

i'm now back to working independently.

but remember, working for yourself means you gotta do everything.

organising myself is a pain in the arse. i'm lazy. how lazy? i'm so lazy i wouldn't get out of the bath the take a shit. so when a client asks 'i want you to organise 3way' you're just asking for a head ache. not only do i have to organise myself, but 2 other hookers as well. you might as well ask me to build the fucking great pyramid of giza. the pyramid is more likely to happen than coordinating a fucking orgy

this sounded fairly easy. the client is an older guy, 50s, "beary" and just wants to watch a mate of his (a former escort) get fucked by a few other guys. i scoured online to see what i could get him. Benji was still around, so i shoot him a msg. the only other one that appealed was under the name of "hustler white". nice little Bruse LaBruce reference. this guy had a great body. then it came to a body pic taken in a bathroom. i recognised the bathroom

i'm a fag. as much as i try to deny it, i'm a fag just like every other fag. we're innately good with style, in particular, hair, fashion and interior decorating. not always successful at it, but we have a fair idea of what's going on. that's why i believe being a fag is genetic. we ain't taught this shit - it's just there. we are, as they say, born this way.

7 weeks ago a friend, Boo Boo originally from Melbourne and now living in Berlin had returned for 2 weeks. he was staying with friends in the northern suburbs. i picked up Boo-Boo* and we went to train at the gym together. i see a bathroom once almost two months ago and i recognise the decor when it shows up in this escort's picture. by the shape of his jaw and body. i know who it is. and yes, he is hot. i see him at my gym every now and then. i shoot him a msg. he quickly replies saying "he is probably not what the client wants ...and by the way, we've met before, i'm JJ. I'm boo-boo's friend."

i admitted i knew it was him and but didn't say anything earlier in case he might freak out. after a few messages he believed he's 'not what the client wants'. if you got a cock and you're not a starfish bottom, you are what the client wants. so he was probably just being polite that he was backing out of a possibly weird situation

i referred the client both Benji and Jay-Jay's adverts to look at anyway

then Benji called back to say to say he could not make it. he had another booking

then in the end, after looking at the other guy's ads, the client said "i think i'll just have you without them"

Fuck! what a pain in the fucking arse! 2 hours. wasted

hookers for jesus

Monday, 2 May 2011

Sunday, 1 May 2011

you talk too much!


there's nothing like talking to someone to really lose interest in them. getting to know someone is the best way to not want to fuck them any more. see them as a human being with a mind of their own - fuck that's unattractive. if you can make it past a half-hour of chit chat and i still got a boner, then you must be a keeper

i don't want to see you as a person. i want to see you as an object. if i see you as a person, more often than not i won't like the person i discover or at least won't find it as sexy. or worse i will pity you and feel sorry for you. then you become a tiresome pity-fuck. Or, even worse (and even less-likely) than that - i will think you're awesome. then the pressure is on!
so, fuck first. chat later. that way i don't waste time becoming mates with someone who is a dud-fuck

you talk too much! in a work situation: stay silent.
let them think what they want to think. a client will fantasise about you and create whatever they want you to be in their head.

let them think you're some drug-dependant cock-whore. let them think you're secretly raising two kids and struggling to finish your degree. let them think you cry yourself to sleep every night hoping and praying some punter will come along and free you from your hellish life of prostitution





don't let them know about your Fabergé egg collection. don't let them know you lie on the sofa under your duvet every saturday night stuffing tim tams into your face while watching South Park. don't let them know you're just doing it to pay off your credit card

let them think what they want to think. there's nothing unsexier than the truth