amen (in the bathroom)

are you here to screw or are you here to screw me over?

it was like any other job. a nice sweet guy in an inner city suburb. he just wants a hot blokey man. nothing too heavy. no anal. he just wanted to suck a nice big dick ...fuck knows why he called me

he just wanted me to lie back on the bed while he sucked my dick. he'd rub the hair on my chest and look up, smile and say stuff like "you're a beautiful man."

i would smile, giggle a bit as compliments from people i barely know make me nervous, and say "thanks"

after it was over we lay back on the bed. again, i awoke to the sound of my own snoring. he thought it was cute and laughed. i jumped up and went to shower

normally when using a clients bathroom there are three things to look out for:

a) even with some very clear directions, navigating yourself to the bathroom in someone else's home for the first time can be difficult. try not wander through their house opening random doors trying to find the fucking thing. you don't want them to think you're going to fleece them of their possessions, be casing the joint to burgle them at a later time or, even worse, have them think you're some dumb fuck who can't find the bathroom

b) once you are in the shower, if you have a problem with soap, you will find yourself foraging through the junk in that little enclosure to find the body wash amongst the sea of near-empty bottles of shampoo and conditioner. many guys stack so many bottles together that you second you grab one you accidentally knock that bottle against another. that bottle knocks another and before you know it you have triggered a domino effect. one by one the surrounding bottles tumble over making one hell of a racquet. soon you're kicking the damn things around the shower trying to pick the fuckers up and stack them without slipping over

c) if you are just using the toilet, try to avoid/ignore the not-quite-flushed poo lurking in the bottom of the toilet bowl. like a timid little mouse it just peeks around the s-bend up at you hiding in the brown halo that has formed during time it has sat there - usually 2 minutes before i arrived. don't be shocked by what may appear to be a lack of hygene, some shitters just don't flush very well and some turd are just stubborn little buggers. so just ignore it

i didn't run into any of these issues this time. but this man's bathroom was different. this room was full of handmade posters and signs he had made himself. on each sign he had written words and slogans of positive reinforcement. his strengths. his achievements. his goals. his dreams and his hopes for the future. 

although it's a very useful technique to reinforce something (while studying Russian language i painted one wall of my bedroom with the Cyrillic alphabet), but i found this a little creepy. a little brainwashing. a little cult-like. everywhere i looked i could't avoid it. it felt like this man's voice was constantly reaffirming the positive aspects of his life to drown out the negativities that nag him and overwhelm him.  one wall was a collage of pictures of cities and wonders of the world cut from magazines. scattered amongst the landmarks were pictures of fit and muscled underwear models. this was his ideal boyfriend. 

when he called to see me a second time. i had reservations, but i did the job anyway. he was overjoyed. but three days later he wanted to see me again on my days in Sydney. i declined. i didn't think it was healthy that he see me again so soon. i don't know his history but it seemed like there might be some instability there. i don't want to exploit someones vulnerability. 

people say a fool and his money are soon parted. though this man is not a fool and it would be a cunt of a person to take advantage of someone.

i'm just here to screw you. i'm not here to screw you over

falling joys : amen