two things i never wanted to hear my boyfriend say
last week it was: "she looks like a hot mess."
he was referring to a man. sure, we were watching drag race* and it was directed towards a man in a dress and the Elk may very well be taking the piss, but it shocked me all the same
then this morning in the kitchen i tried to molest him from behind when he pulled away and cried: "oh my muffins are burning!"
what the fuck happened? it seemed like only yesterday we were doing lines off a half-chewed toilet seat in some filthy nightclub. why, just the other day i was holding him by the throat while pissing in his face. today we're hiring a goget car share and driving to the suburbs to buy a set of Le Crueset saucepans
"ooh Le Crueset!" one male friend mockingly squealed in a high pitch voice and pursing his lips
"uh… yeah… so?"
"oh Le Crueset," another friend said over coffee at Taylor Square, "they're very gay. yes. all the gays love them."
all my life a dutch oven was dropping your guts under a blanket and throwing it over your mate's head, suffocating him in your rancid fart. today it's how we cook a roast chicken.
are we normalling? is this new sexual territory. a sick and depraved game of performing like a normal couple? no. we're just normal
(*Woo-hoo! go Sharon Needles!)
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