Wednesday 11 April 2012

everybody needs good neighbours



this is pretty common in the texts a manwhore receives. guys sending pix of their cock. in the early years of working you entertain them and sometimes find it quite refreshing to pick up your phone and see a knob end winking at you. though i can safely say i have never been tempted by any of the cock pix sent to me. i have never thought, "fuck yeah! come on over! get that fucker in my gob now!"

you have a few options:

- you can choose to ignore it and maybe they will go away

- you can respond and tell them to fuck off

- you can respond and try to coerce them into coughing up cash if they want to go further. but if they're sending cock pix, more than likely they think you will be so impressed with their manhood that it will swoon you into offering a freebie or a hefty discount

it was a lazy afternoon. i was laying in bed, the Elk was asleep on my chest but i was wide awake. horny as fuck, do i wake him or do i take the sensible option and use my boner to score some work and some cash?




that means 'i'm here to wank and waste your time'. he could have only got my number from the online adverts. there's a shizload of cockshots there for him to see





30 metres from my flat? how the fuck does he know where i live? 

i turn on grindr. sure enough there's some messages from a guy 30 metres away. judging by the cock pix sent he possibly the same body shape. i don't use the same pictures on my commercial and non-commercial sites so i assume he's paid close attention

he's so damn close i'm not gonna let him into my house. also, as cute as it is watching him drool his sleepy snoozy warm spit dribbling onto my chest, i sure as fuck am not gonna kick my boyfriend out of bed to make some cash




"i'm very good looking" = i want sex for free




oh you have a boyfriend too? if you're so happy, go fuck him. i don't care about your fucking relationship problems. the conversation is annoying me already, but i could always do with some new pictures for work





i checkout his website. it has two pictures of a dog and a flower. nothing added since 2006. 




no. you're not. not doubt you will bother me again thinking i have nothing better to do than swap cock pix

sure enough, half an hour later...




fucking woeful pictures. how does one respond? a fortune cookie once wisely said  - silence will be your best response

(i've since noticed i looked at the wrong site. he has around 15 pictures. they're ok but none of which are all that special)

by now the Elk has awoken from his afternoon snooze. his massage table is still set up in the living room. i shuck my pants down around my knees, pull my cock out and jump up on the massage table. "where's my... ahem... massage...?" the Elk laughs, shuffles over, and despite the blinds being wide open and many apartments being able to look into ours, he indulges my childishness and gives my cock a few tugs. he then looks up and notices we are being watched by a neighbour. 

"ooh, someone's watching," 

we both laugh. i get up and begin to fold up the massage table. before the table is put away my phone gets a text. an instant later another text. then another. and another....




the guy on the balcony watching us was the guy texting me earlier. messaging me on grindr. in fact, he's been watching us have breakfast out on the balcony every day for the past month. he's not just a neighbour.  he's the neighbour that can see everything we do. the cunt has been watching us for quite some time. 

now it's possible he's a stalker

i've had stalkers before. when dealing with them i find it's best to play it cool




i ignore him. then comes more texts. and more texts. and more fucking texts





yeah i understand my phone number is out there for anyone to contact. as opposed to any normal business, my number will attract some freaks and nutcases more so than say a plumber or an IT consultant. but when someone says, 'no thanks' and that person is your neighbour, wouldn't you just let it go?

i think most people would. some clients don't take rejection very well. they take rejection from a whore personally. i guess they see it as 'fuck! i can't even pay the son of a bitch to fuck me!" when really it's many reasons along the lines of 'i don't want to', 'i'm not sexually compatable for that specific scene', but most of the time it's because  'it's 4am. i'm tired and just not horny right now, you fucking idiot!"

no matter how polite you are, you just get abuse. so if i can be fucked responding i can't be fucked being polite and want them to be as pissed off as they pissed me off

a month later...

not only does he send the message on grindr, but also notice how many messages he sends in the space of a minute. 



eventually he figures out that when in the top corner of my grindr profile it says "online 30 minutes ago" that means i have not been online for 30 minutes and i have not read any of those messages he has sent and he's better off contacting me by phone

i pass him on to the Elk. he takes the job. i head off to the gym while the Elk gives him a massage. he is a tolerant little bugger. i don't know how he does it. he lay him down and worked him into a frenzy. sprayed everywhere i hear. after they were done and the Elk was mopping up our neighbour decided to chat

"i have a woman back in spain who massages me for free," he asserted his studliness, "i never pay for massage."

"well... does she wank you off as well as i do?"

the Elk said he was fine, but his tolerance levels are pretty darn high - he tolerates me for fuck's sake. i just go by the rule if they annoy me on the phone it's likely they will be even more annoying in person

we head over to a mate's BBQ. watching 4 drunk fags try to light a fire i entertaining enough, then the Elk gets a text from the neighbour. i don't remember it exactly but it went a little something like this: "that was good but i do not think that we were alone."

our neighbour believes i was hiding in the other room during the whole massage. why? who knows. let him beleive what he wants to believe

ok. he's a fucking nutcase

weeks pass and soon i hear from him again


 


he knows what i charge. 
he knows i don't want to do it. 
he sure as fuck knows i won't drop my price regardless of what he wants to do
also, he can see into our apartment and knows when we have not been home all day and when we are at work. 

then the next day....




none of your fucking business, you nosey little cunt! go get a fucking job and stop looking into my apartment all fucking day. while your at it, tell that lazy bitch in the apartment next to you to get a job also. she does nothing but sit in her ass smoking fags and drinking red wine all fucking day. ever since she moved in with her personal trainer boyfriend she's done nothing but make him get fat and fill the apartment with shitty plants and pissy decor

i'd be delighted to find out she's a whore too. i hope so anyway. she must do something to grant all that spare time she has

and the next day...




he doesn't understand 'no' so maybe i can just deter him. i mean, we live in a suburb with an extremely high concentration of homsexuals. he's not a bad looking guy. as you can see, he's got a decent cock too. so surely he would have found someone else to wank off with by now...




but the next day....




i'm flattered that you think i'm so hot that you continue like this.... but never. fucking never




jesus titty fucking christ you persistant little cunt! 

i snap. politely





yes, you only wanted to offer your money which is less than a quarter of what everyone else pays for my small cock that you've wanted so badly for the past 3 months

when someone says no. they mean no. leave them alone and in particular, leave your neighbours alone. 

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