June 2010
Sydney greeted me with the same grey wet clouds that Melbourne had doomed everyone to for the last 2 weeks, but it was still warmer. it had only been 2 weeks since i left, but it felt so like months. Dj picked me up from the airport and we went straight to the cinema
i love cartoons. unless you have the same affliction, i don't think you can understand. it must be difficult for a logical person to understand how another could relate to things that aren't real and empathize with them, let alone sit there for 90 mins watching them.
i think it's related to my chronic anthropomorphism (humanizing inanimate objects). everything has a personality to me. the tired looking shopping bag slumped in the corner exhausted from the day of carrying grandma's groceries. the worn tractor tire lying in the paddock, though unused for years, she still hopes for the days of proud service as she plays hide and seek in the long grass that almost covers her. this macbook, suffers the abuse i treat it with good humour, thankful for the places it take it. sometimes these object i see have more personality than people. sometimes i feel guilt that a coin has been in my pocket for days when i know it's been longing to be exchanged for a beer. is it a form of Autism? like the opposite of Aspergers's syndrome?
fuck knows
i have watched Faces of Death and snuff films and been bored out of my mind but i've cried at every goddamn Pixar film since A Bug's Life (except The Incredibles because it didn't have a sad moment and Cars, because that was shit. a bunch of cars learning the true meaning of friendship? seriously. fuck off).
So when Dj not just jumped at the chance of seeing Toy Story 3, but had the same crazed rasp in his voice when i suggested he see it with me, i was over the moon. i had to be careful though. this was officially a date and my track record with being able to man-up during animated films was appalling.
Finding Nemo - i took my older sister. 5 minutes into the film she was crying "i thought this was supposed to be a kids film!" by dealing with similar issues to Fight Club, when the end of the film came, i was weeping also
Ratatouille - all the parallels of a gay rat wanting to be accepting by his family and society for his forbidden love of food (i.e. cock) made a little lump appear in my throat
Wall-E - i saw it with a good mate and seated beside 5 other grown men our age. i cried. twice. choking back tears and those short staggered breaths that let everyone around you know you are weeping. when Eve couldn't get a response out of Wall-E at the end my eyes were so full of tears everything on the screen was fuzzy white and brown blurs
Up - i was smart enough to see this one by myself. surely a relationship that blossoms between an old man and a young asian boy would be full of smutty double entendres. little did i know that i would be gushing tears in the first 15 minutes. a miscarriage. unfulfilled dreams. death. this is no fucking kids film. my 3D glasses pooled with tears while the sleeves of my hoodie were damp with snot
that's just Pixar. Don Bluth knew how to pull my strings. Land Before Time. Secret of NIMH. An American Tail (as i kid i cried by just seeing the trailer)
one of the most severe experiences was watching the underrated Iron Giant fragile and coming down after a 3 days drug binge.
i know where this tradition began. Watership Down. every child of the 70s and 80s was traumatised by that (otherwise known as kindertrauma)
now, don't get me started on Pan's Labyrinth. i will only say a few words - grown man. no breath. weeping. seated at the exit row for all to see when the lights came on during the credits
Toy Story 1&2 had not moved me so dramatically. so i thought i was safe. the film was fucking amazing. then came the incinerator scene. it just went on and on. they couldn't die. could they? they started holding hands and accepting their fate and i start blubbering like a school girl. my date beside me, was sure he picked up a man from the airport but what will be sleeping in his bed that night could not be respected again. a dominate top whore. deliverer of savage beatings of knuckles and steel cap boots. pissing in the faces and mouths of self-loathing business men across the globe. (brief) porn star. mean fister. sadistic torturer. ass raper. crying like a schoolgirl with a scraped knee.
my fears, as usual, were just stupid fears. Dj was so engulfed by the film he noticed nothing.
as for the whore part, i had not told Dj yet. i decided to tell him that night
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