becoming a man

ever since i was a little boy i didn't want to grow up to be a man

men were arseholes. men behaved like wild animals. men ate like pigs. they were selfish bastards who satisfied nothing but themselves. uncaring, violent and angry. bad lovers who take what they want, dump their load then roll over and go to sleep 

my father was the perfect role model of what role not to model myself on. he was a cunt and did nothing but reinforce the opinion of men i had grown up with.

i was determined not to be one of them

as a teenager growing up in the 90s you moved with the trends. grunge was easy to adopt - the white kid's revolt against their middle class upbringing. being a poor kid the grunge fashion was easy to adopt. i already ready wore shitty clothes. there was no irony in my ironic t-shirt, it was just the crap i ended up with. 

then punk in the mid-90s because of the fucking incredible music. shorter. faster. louder. hopefully with a message. if i was going to be a man, then i would be educated and i would be different. i can't stop being an angry young man but i would use my angry powers for good. i attended protests. i loudly defended the the weak, the oppressed, the minorities.

"i'll never call it Uluru," my grandfather said over the dining table, "it will always be Ayer's Rock to me."

"are you fucking kidding me!?!" that breakfast had been quite a calm affair until i threw down my spoon in a tantrum and tore into my 'white invasion of 1788' rant.

of course i wasn't always sympathetic. some radical feminism had worn me down. "dead men don't rape" a widely used slogan that was disappointing because they're admitting they had just given up on their cause altogether and resorted to threats

so the front was "dead men don't rape" and on the back was "dead women can't cry rape". it was not a very popular shirt, but i wore it around my hometown for a few weeks much to the anger of the local yokels.

as i got older, in my late 20s i learned being the sensitive male means fuck all. it gets you nowhere. women are still attracted to arseholes and nice guys get fucked over just as much as the mean ones mamma warned me about. 

now in my early 30s i discover that's not what anyone wants anyway. they want the rough mean son of a bitch that occasionally shows a bit of kindness but really treats them like shit most of the time. 

especially gay men. 

when i started as a manwhore i was conscientious, agreeable and kind. i wasn't screwing them for extra charges and i treated the job (and them) like a genuine business. now, 17 years later into being a cock-for-hire, i've learned men want to be treated like shit. they want to be used. they want to think you're screwing them then pissing off and blowing all your cash on crack

i was fucking a client. he likes to be slamfucked so now i've hit 100kgs i can slamfucked him until his ass caves in. i did. i slammed him. i blew. in a pool of sweat i slid off of him and rolled onto my back. he loves hair men so he curled up into my armpit and started sucking on my beard and grooming it. i closed my eye to enjoy it then heard this horrific noise, like a walrus choking on a penguin, and my eyes snapped open. suddenly the client was sitting on the other side of me

what the fuck happened? my eyes were a bit squinty and my teeth were a bit numb, sure signs that i had fallen asleep. therefore that horrific noise was me, snoring.

"did i fall asleep?" he nodded. "oh. i wasn't asleep for long was i?"

"well…" he looked at the bedside clock. i was afraid to look. "rest if you need to."

so through my work i begun to give them what they wanted, and in turn, learned that carrying that into my private works a charm. i have become an arsehole. 

when i go out i behave like a wild animal. i stand pissing in full view of everybody i've begun drunkenly swearing at and men flock to me like whores to a crackpipe

as i get older and bigger and jab steroids in my bum i eat like a pig. the client request i be a violent, angry and uncaring. a sexist racist selfish bastard who fucks them, satisfies himself and leaves

now, and this is definitely due to the drugs and weight gain, i fuck like a machine, blow my load then roll over and go to sleep. in the following weeks i did this 4 more times - falling asleep on clients then waking up to the sound of my own snoring. they loved it. they thought it was so hot that they just got their arse pummelled by a pig of a man who fucked them like a bitch then rolled over and went to sleep

i have made it now. i have become a man

i was gonna post Propagandhi's Refuse to be a man, but i like this track better. doesn't the voice of Noam Chomsky just get you all wet inside?